


be not afraid

by duskafterdawn



Series: sunrise, sunset [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, Overthinking, Self-Doubt, brief appearance of sakuino, public executions will make you do that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:23:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duskafterdawn/pseuds/duskafterdawn
Summary: life is more than just surviving, and sasuke has forgotten what it feels like to not be primed for a fight, to not second-guess his surroundings at every turn. the worst part? everyone is starting to notice.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: sunrise, sunset [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330088
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	be not afraid

**Author's Note:**

> if i haven't made it clear, i'm making it clear now, but team 7 are all around the age of 19 going on 20. there is a 🎷scene later, and i think it's not too graphic, but i did embed some plot in the middle of it so if there's anyone skimming just watch for that. otherwise, yeah. this took me a year and four months to write. 
> 
> happy new year.

a friend is a funny thing. 

before naruto, sasuke wouldn’t say he had friends. the closest thing to it would be whatever it was he had with sakura, talking for a bit at the near-weekly dinner parties their parents attended, their parents’ thanks for being prominent figures in their district. with sakura, though, he felt no need to talk about himself, no need make himself understood. 

naruto, however, is the shadow attached to sasuke’s heels. he pulls at sasuke’s sleeves, following him wherever he goes. it surprised sasuke at first that naruto wanted so much of his time, so much of him, but now at thirteen, he had grown used to the constant presence at his side. perhaps it embarrassed him when shopkeeps referred to naruto as the “littlest uchiha’s shadow,” but he didn’t want naruto to _not_ be there. it just surprised him others noticed. 

sasuke’s shadow has gone rogue, though. 

sharing friends is a funny thing, partly because sasuke knows he can’t be naruto’s only friend, but it’s the hot surge inside him when naruto touches sakura’s arm or when naruto wants to find his other friends instead of sasuke. it’s not a crime––far from it––but the physical reaction sasuke has indicates that it is. 

only two people in sasuke’s life could appropriately council him––his mother or itachi. seeing how conversations about naruto or even mentioning him could derail into some other conversation, itachi was the only one to trust. 

so it’s itachi’s fault that sasuke’s here, watching in trepidation as naruto hops over the small gate barring civilians from climbing the steps to konoha’s outer wall. the high outer wall keeps konoha protected from the wilds, the unforgiving land just on the other side, and guards run constant patrol, making sure nothing from the outside makes inside. never in sasuke’s life has he heard of anything actually coming close to the walls. 

except naruto, that is. 

anyway, sasuke’s stomach curls as he watches naruto jog up the steps, laughing the whole way. sasuke can’t remember the last time he saw a guard go by. what had itachi said––four minute intervals? three? 

kiba, the boy with the dog running around his feet, snorts as naruto finally makes it to the top of the wall. he was the one to dare naruto. sasuke still isn’t sure what standing up there proves, but it must not mean much because kiba shouts up to naruto, “big deal! anyone can do that.” 

it’s itachi’s fault that sasuke’s here with naruto’s _other_ friends. kiba, a boy named shikamaru and another named chouji. they’ve spent the last hour wandering around the district, and it took him a quarter of that for sasuke to conclude that there’s not much about kiba that he likes.

naruto makes a rude gesture at kiba, and leans over the edge of the wall and calls down, “yeah? so why aren’t you up here?” 

sasuke swivels to make sure no one’s coming thanks to all their shouting. they’re half-hidden in the alley behind some old buildings and the wall, unlike naruto who stands in the open. sasuke’s not exactly sure what sort of punishment they’d deal out for finding naruto up there but he’d rather not find out. 

kiba shouts back at him, “because i’m not an idiot like you.” 

naruto waves a hand at him. he starts to mime something that sasuke can’t make out but kiba finds hilarious, like a child who’s found a new use for their favorite toy. 

shikamaru groans and sighs but makes no move to stop whatever is happening. chouji doesn’t even make as much a show of it, looking between kiba and naruto as if to see who makes the next move. sasuke senses this is something that has happened before, a dynamic that plays out often. 

sasuke wants to call it off, but he doesn’t know how without embarrassing naruto. he cares not what kiba thinks of him, but he knows naruto obviously does. 

“you know, while you’re up there,” kiba drawls, “why don’t you just go back where you came from?” 

shikamaru jerks his head toward kiba. as far as sasuke knows, they don’t talk about what makes naruto so different––hardly anyone does. sasuke looks up at naruto, who stares down at them with an odd look on his face. he’s smiling but…. 

naruto gives them a fierce mock salute and backs away from the edge, as if actually going toward the opposite side. 

“ _naruto_.” 

all of them, even naruto, looks at sasuke. he called out to naruto without being conscious of it, but seeing naruto’s surprised expression kicks him into actually speaking his mind. “get down here.” 

kiba rolls his eyes, but neither shikamaru nor chouji seem to think it’s entertaining anymore. if they ever did. shikamaru turns his annoyance at kiba. “you don’t need to tempt him,” he berates. “he doesn’t need any encouragement to act stupid.” 

kiba looks around him, realizing he’s alone in thinking it’s funny. he guffaws. “you really think i’d–– i’m _joking_.” 

shikamaru just waves down naruto. “c’mon, c’mon.” he cusses under his breath as naruto finally starts to make his way back down. soon, naruto stands next to sasuke, laughing as if he didn’t do what he just did. 

joking or not, sasuke’s tried too many times to pry stories of itachi’s missions from him to know that it’s what itachi doesn’t tell him that’s truly frightening. the monsters out there, the creatures that lurk in those dense trees, are no joke to him. 

their group starts walking again, looking for something else to pass the time in the dying afternoon light. kiba starts bickering with chouji. sasuke spots a guard inspecting the section of the wall naruto just evacuated. he shudders. 

naruto leans in to sasuke and says in his ear, “did you see me?” he sounds proud. 

“yeah,” sasuke croaks. how could he not?

but naruto leans in again, whispering this time, “i saw over the side.” 

it’s the awe in his voice that gives sasuke pause, that makes fear crawl up his throat, that makes him hiss, “well, i hope you never do something so stupid ever again.” 

sasuke didn’t think he was mad at naruto until the words came out. he thought his only target was kiba, but his anger finds naruto instead. it’s naruto’s fault for letting kiba goad him. it’s naruto’s fault for nearly getting caught. and is sasuke wrong? naruto should hope to never see the wilds again. sasuke hates it when his brother leaves on missions, spending the days waiting around for him to come back. 

_not naruto, not him too._

naruto only hears his tone, though, and jerks away, understanding that sasuke is not interested in hearing what he saw. naruto puts distance between them. he doesn’t understand. he doesn’t get it––why sasuke’s upset––but sasuke can’t explain it, not with the other boys around. 

so naruto drifts back, and without sasuke’s attention, he starts pestering shikamaru instead. better shikamaru than kiba, but sasuke still finds himself staring at the back of naruto’s head, watching him. 

it’s a hard thing, sharing friends. 

sasuke’s fist hit the punching bag with a flurry, his breaths coming out hard as he goes through his drills. there are no windows in the training room, but the clock on the wall tells him it’s three in the morning. he’s not sure how long he spent asleep, mostly kicking at his covers all night, before dragging himself from bed. 

it’s been four days since the duel, and sasuke’s losing count of the last time he’s slept for more than a few hours. his solution has been to throw himself into his drills. his father wasn’t satisfied with his performance in the ring, so sasuke focuses on that, practicing his footwork and punching the bag till he’s ready to drop. surely working himself to exhaustion will earn him a night’s rest, but the nightmares still find him. 

mizuki stands in the corner of his room, watching sasuke’s dream self lay in bed immobilized. sometimes the man hovers near his bed, his stringy hair tickling sasuke’s face as he breathes on him. sometimes he talks. sometimes he just seethes at him. sometimes sasuke’s free to move, free to run from the room, and he calls for his family only to find their blood soaking into the floor. 

sasuke usually wakes up then, wrenching himself from bed, and looking for the man that haunts him because it _feels so real_. the first time it happened, sasuke checked on everyone, but they were fast asleep. just his head playing tricks on him, then. 

in part to avoid sleep or to pass out where he stands, sasuke throws himself into his drills. 

some mornings, naruto will slide through his window and hold sasuke for a bit before he has to go to market or wherever else he’s sent. naruto hasn’t come to his window since before the fight, and sasuke misses naruto’s body next to his. the thought burns into him; it’s not the fist time he’s thought such a thing, but it’s almost second nature to not dwell on what he cannot have. 

even still, images of naruto spread out on his back with a hand draped over his tummy plague sasuke’s mind. the way he murmurs in his sleep. the way he gravitates toward sasuke’s body heat, curling close, and the way sasuke rolls over to face him, just to try and map his face in the darkness.

sweat rolls down sasuke’s face. numbness spreads through his hands. he pushes himself too hard––he knows this––but in a few hours, mizuki will receive his sentence. sasuke and his family will attend the ceremony, so sasuke must distract himself from it as long as he can. 

“up early, aren’t you?” 

it takes sasuke a moment to stop punching the bag, but once he does, his body echoes with the leftover vibrations. he aches all over. he wants to go back to bed. 

itachi stands just inside the doorway. he’s dressed like he just came from bed, as if he woke up and decided to check on sasuke first thing. his eyes drop to sasuke’s hands and he presses his lips together. 

sasuke wrapped his hands before beginning, but his blood now stains the white cloth. sasuke curses under his breath. 

“how are you feeling this morning?” itachi’s question is unnecessary as it’s nearly four in the morning and sasuke sports bloody knuckles. any answer beside the truth would be a lie but also sound like one. 

but sasuke, breathing irregular, says, “fine.” 

itachi nods, though it’s impossible for him to believe sasuke. he stands there as if weighing what to say next, and sasuke turns to unwrap his hands. he winces. he’s accidentally split his knuckles before, but the fact that he didn’t even feel it happen…. 

it’s a manageable amount of blood, all things considered. 

sasuke curses again as he tries to find something to clean his hands. he feels itachi’s eyes on him, and he does his best to ignore his brother, hoping he’ll leave. considering it’s itachi, he won’t. 

“will naruto be there?” 

rarely does his family ask about his friends, and so rare do they include naruto in that category. to sasuke’s parents, it was a matter of trust. naruto’s association with sarutobi, however stringent, is enough for them to needle sasuke and remind him to be careful and aim higher. itachi, though, must approximate the true nature of their relationship despite keeping to himself. 

sasuke knows his brother. he’s hardly ever direct, and his years spent in special operations means itachi holds onto information that you didn’t know you gave away. by asking about naruto, sasuke wonders what he really asks. 

sasuke says, “i think he will.”

itachi hums at that. he lingers as if to speak again, but sasuke avoids catching his eye, pretending to be more focused on his knuckles. 

itachi, not one to be escaped, announces, “i spoke to naruto the other day.” 

sasuke swings around to look at his brother. it could be the lack of sleep, but sasuke snaps, “and when was that exactly?” 

“the night of your fight. i believe.” he tacks it on as if unsure, shrugs as if it’s nothing. and maybe if he was anyone else’s brother, it might be. 

naruto never mentioned speaking with itachi, but then again sasuke’s had minimal contact with him since the duel. naruto hasn’t visited his room since there with sakura, and he’s been scarce around the district. sasuke would think he’s been trampled by one of the horses he’s so keen to work with except sakura reports that he’s in good health. just busy. 

it’s only been a few days since sasuke told naruto he loves him. he saw him the morning after his confession but hasn’t seen him since. it’s likely a coincidence; it’s just that sasuke hasn’t gone so long without hearing or seeing him even for just a few stolen moments. 

sasuke wants nothing more than to sink into bed, naruto at his side. 

itachi’s staring at him. right. 

sasuke folds his arms, abandoning the task of bandaging his hands. “and so? what of it? what’d you have to say to him?” 

“nothing serious,” itachi assuages, having the opposite effect on sasuke. “i’ve never spoken directly with him, and i thought i should.” 

“would you like to interrogate sakura as well? or karin, i think.”

“i’ve had the pleasure of meeting them both, and i know you know that. sakura has very interesting ideas about numbing agents––”

“ _itachi_.”

itachi has the decency to look a bit ashamed. “did i cross a line?” 

“you’re you. you saying that you ‘talked’ to naruto doesn’t make me confident that’s all you did.”

he cracks a slight smile, as if by doing things in halves will keep sasuke from glaring at him. “well, no worries then. i truly did want to talk to him.”

“right.”

“i know how much he means to you.”

there’s nothing to keep sasuke from flushing all the way from his face and down his neck. he turns again; the lights are too bright for itachi to mistake the blush for anything else. he’s become accustomed to itachi’s frankness over the years, his ability to disarm with only words and observations, but being his younger brother is to be dually blessed and cursed. perhaps most younger siblings share that feeling. 

sasuke curls his hands into fists, ignoring the pain as he can’t help but fall into his role. “well,” he hisses, “you should know then that if you breathe a word of it to _anyone_ , mother and father wouldn’t give me a moment’s rest.” 

“who do you take me for?”

“i’m being serious.”

“so am i. he’s not allowed here, not in as many words but in attitude, yet you bring him here so frequently that it means little to you, i think.” 

sasuke whirls around. 

itachi rolls his eyes. “you two aren’t as discreet as you’d wish.” he smiles as he says it, but he fixes sasuke with a cryptic look. “despite your obviousness, mother and father remain unaware as far as i know. they’d be fairly vocal otherwise. a word of warning, though, to take care.” 

“i do––”

“then be a little more careful.” itachi sighs, swiping a hand over his eyes. he lowers his voice, as he asks, “i need to know, sasuke, are you sure about him?” 

“what do you mean?” 

itachi waves a hand, hearing the anger surge in sasuke’s voice. “all i’m asking is if you really like him.” 

“he’s my best friend.” 

“and you know that he cares for you?” 

“yes,” sasuke grinds out. his brother means to warn him not to mix naruto in their family affairs. not with danzo eyeing them over, waiting for an opening. danzo has gotten closer to sarutobi in recent years, which is what puts his family on edge, finding danger in all things. “naruto regards sarutobi with gratitude. nothing more,” sasuke explains. “he’s hardly interested in politics.” 

itachi nods, but his expression remains troubled. 

“why are you so interested suddenly?” 

“just…feeding my own curiosity.”

sasuke doesn’t like the way silence falls nor the look on his brother’s face. “you don’t believe the rumors about him, do you?” sasuke says it half as a joke, but neither laugh and itachi doesn’t refute him. “you can’t be serious,” sasuke guffaws. “you _can’t_ believe that.” 

“i never said that i did.” 

then say you don’t, sasuke silently urges. not even their parents believe the superstitions surrounding naruto, and it’s a heavy fog that follows him––even after living in konoha for over a decade. the rumors weren’t started by danzo, but he was the one who helped perpetuate them––perhaps that’s why his parents weren’t keen to believe them. 

“just take care,” itachi cautions. 

and suddenly, sasuke realizes it’s _naruto_ that itachi is warning him about. sasuke’s hackles raise and he bites, “he would never hurt me––”

“i didn’t say that.”

“then _what_? what are you saying?” 

itachi pushes off the wall, apparently through with the guessing game. he looks pained, but sasuke has no idea if it’s from standing for too long or just from sasuke’s questions. “it’s just a request,” he says. he resembles their father, speaking with finality, no room for further arguing. “it’s time to get ready; the sun will be up soon.” 

itachi leaves the room, and sasuke gives the punching bag one more good strike. 

when the sun begins to grace the sky, their family makes the short walk to the western gate. sasuke has his hands tucked into his pockets to hide the gauze wrapped around his knuckles. he ripped the skin open wider on his right hand. he sneaks looks at itachi, but itachi looks straight ahead, refusing to look at him. itachi said he wouldn’t tell their parents about naruto, but it seems that he won’t speak of _anything_ they talked about. 

the problem is this: itachi never discloses information without a reason. he said he didn’t think naruto would hurt sasuke, but why bring it up at all? naruto’s no demon. he’s not possessed by them, nor is he cursed. he doesn’t howl at the moon nor does he drink the blood of the dying. he’s not an omen of ill-will, prophesying the downfall of their district nor the ruination of the innocent. and he would be the last in konoha to slay the district leader. 

the rumors have everything to do with how he has found and nothing to do with his behavior since. 

sasuke admits that a child found alone, in the wilds, not a scratch upon him and a memory as clean as snow, is either a miracle or a lie, and sasuke is not prone to believing the former. 

aside from everything, there’s the matter of naruto’s feelings. it bothers him that everyone in the district has their own idea of what happened––of what naruto _is_. even if they don’t believe the more sensational ideas, there is still the lingering question of how naruto came to them. 

“i don’t know,” naruto told sasuke once. it’s what he tells everyone who asks, but with sasuke, he added, “i can’t remember anything; try as hard as i want, i can’t.” his earliest memories begin the day he opened his eyes to the militia member scooping him up from the dirt, bringing him inside the walls. seven years-old and no recollection. 

“it drives me crazy,” naruto admitted. “to think my memories are there––that if i try hard enough i can just remember.”

if sasuke tries, just a few memories from his early childhood swim to the surface, murky in detail but still there. sitting on his father’s knee. the smell of sunny days in the garden, with his toy spread around him. relics of his childhood are still around as well––parents, his brother, the children he grew around. they all testify to the fact of sasuke’s childhood, that he existed. 

for naruto, he has nothing. 

sasuke worries itachi told naruto something horrid. something to try and scare him off or– or…. perhaps that’s why naruto hasn’t been around. fog swirls between sasuke’s ears, making it hard for him to think. 

mizuki is to be sentenced at the seventh morning bell, and sasuke’s family arrives at the gate hardly past the sixth. a small wooden platform has been erected in the street, and a modest stool graces it. district leader sarutobi will sit there to preside over the sentencing. 

the sentencing isn’t specifically for the public, but it’s evident the elders are treating it as an extension of the duel. the closer it gets to the seventh bell, the more people gather in the streets to form a sort of half-circle facing the gate. the elders gather on the platform, danzo among them. sasuke doesn’t have to look to know the expression on his father’s face. sarutobi has now ascended the platform, greeting the other elders. 

“sir.” 

too focused on the platform, sasuke didn’t notice the guard until itachi’s elbow found his rib. the guard stands directly in front of him and says again, “sir, you’re to stand with the district leader; he has asked for you.” 

sasuke looks to his father––a reflex, a childish reflex––but his father’s stony visage stays transfixed on the gate. sasuke dares not look at his mother, and itachi pats his shoulder. “i’ll meet you when this is over,” he says. 

sasuke follows the guard to the platform, hesitating before ascending the few steps. maybe he should have been done with this in the ring. 

sarutobi smiles as sasuke comes to stand beside him. his weathered skin crinkles, and if he was anyone else sasuke might think his smile was genuine. “ah,” he sighs, only loud enough for sasuke to hear, “i think it will be a bright day after all.” he looks to sasuke as if he might say something, but what can he say to that?

sasuke chooses to say nothing at all, but sarutobi hums to himself, as if sasuke’s answer wasn’t needed anyway. 

the streets have swelled with people, some hanging out windows to get a better view. the murmur grows louder, and sasuke is back in the ring with them all staring at him to kill his opponent. he tucks his arms behind his back, fingernails cutting his palms. 

seven bells chime, and at last, sarutobi holds up a hand, the noise in the street petering out. 

sarutobi clears his throat, and holds his hand aloft till the bell’s echo fades. “everyone,” he announces in a booming voice that belies his age. “we must bear witness to the laws of our district.” 

he waves his hand, and at first nothing happens, but then the crowd starts to part. guards bring mizuki forward, his wrists bound with rope. someone has dressed him in a beige jumpsuit, and while in the ring he was cocky, his face now is turned downward and shoulders hunched. the guards prod him forward until he kneels before the platform. 

mizuki looks sasuke in the eye. 

sasuke pinches the inside of his wrist. he won’t look away first; he won’t. only when mizuki’s eyes slide away, back to the ground, does sasuke let himself look away and swear to not let him catch his gaze again. 

sarutobi continues to speak, something about honoring sasuke’s decision, but sasuke barely hears him. he knows he should try harder to pay attention, but much like in the ring, he feels as if a spotlight has been cast on him, everyone watching him. sasuke’s breath comes quicker. he scans the crowd, searching and searching. the old man’s voice drones on, and sasuke feels a pang of unexpected guilt. the man at his feet is being sentenced, that these are his last moments seen alive, and sasuke can’t even bare witness to them. maybe for that reason sasuke searches harder for the messy blond head in the crowd. 

maybe naruto chose not to come. he did the hard thing of attending the fight; there’s no reason for him to subject himself to this. sarutobi’s speech must come to an end as mizuki makes a desperate noise and begins to thrash. 

no, sasuke does not blame naruto for missing this. 

sasuke swallows. the fear, the desperation, the _pleading_. this is nothing like the fight. this is nothing like he imagined. sasuke grits his teeth at the spectacle, reminding himself that mizuki disgraced his family, that he started this. mizuki was so eager to kill him; sasuke doesn’t doubt he wouldn’t have hesitated to bleed him out on the mat. 

at least sasuke’s giving him a running start. 

mizuki screams and begs as he’s hauled toward the gate. his words are indistinguishable from each other, incomprehensible. he truly didn’t expect them to go through with the decision. 

sasuke swallows hard. he steadies his breath, and he focuses on the pain in his palms rather than the sweat that breaks under his bangs. 

and that's when he finds him. 

naruto stands close to the center of the crowd, shoulder-to-shoulder with sakura. even at this distance, sasuke tracks the jump in naruto’s brow, the flinch as mizuki screams again. he can tell that naruto braces for worst, that he wants to turn away. mizuki deserves it, yet in all sasuke’s imaginings of this moment, mizuki went without a fight. 

naruto looks at sasuke. he’s possibly the only looking at sasuke in this moment, and sasuke feels himself stripped bare. he remembers what he told naruto after the duel: _in the wilds, he’ll suffer. more than i could make him in the duel._

does naruto see him? can he see how he shakes? 

sasuke is acutely aware of sarutobi standing beside him, and he tears his eyes from naruto.

the guards atop the wall shout the all clear as mizuki approaches it. sasuke tenses as the great gears hidden inside the wall moan, widening the gates bit by bit. mizuki, by choice or not, collapses to the ground, pleading more desperately. 

trees––that’s what sasuke sees first. his palms sweat. his knees quiver. the dense forest sits back about five-hundred feet from the gate, leaving a small clearing just outside of their district, but sasuke may as well be the one being forced from konoha, the way his stomach flips and his body trembles. 

the guards make another grab for mizuki and begin to drag him when he refuses to stand. his heels make rents in the dirt. 

the guards atop the wall train their muskets toward the forest should any beast slither or lumber out. the crowd holds a collective breath. sasuke then realizes they didn’t come to see a man die; they came to catch a rare glimpse beyond their wall. 

the guards drop mizuki outside the gates. not far, but as far as they dare. mizuki tries to scrabble to his feet, but one man gives him a shove before backing through the gate. 

the guards now aim their muskets at mizuki as he makes a move to charge the gate. “halt,” one shouts, “or we fire!” 

for a moment, sasuke believes mizuki will charge, choosing to end it here, but before the horror of that thought seizes him, the gates slide shut with mizuki still standing there.

the men on the wall disengage. 

pounding resounds on the gate. mizuki howls to be let inside. 

sarutobi clears his throat, and sasuke nearly jumps out of his skin. sarutobi raises his palms and waits a moment to have the crowd’s full attention. then he says, “let it be done.” 

the crowd begins to murmur, starts to move, and sarutobi turns to sasuke and says quietly, “let’s not linger, shall we?” 

and just like that, it is done. 

sasuke vomits in the shade of the alley. his hand pressed to the wall, his sides heaving, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. he brushes them away. he ate nothing before the sentencing so hardly anything came up, but his mouth still tastes wrong. he wipes the dribble of saliva from his chin. 

under the cover of people dispersing, sasuke made a mad dash down the platform to the nearest cover. he kept his eyes ahead as he passed the elders, though it would have been satisfying to vomit on danzo’s shoes––though that would have been the only satisfying bit of it. 

he’s tucked into the shadows, behind the empty rubbish bins, and he takes a moment to steady his breathing. he looks around, but people walk past the mouth of the alley, completely oblivious to him. good. 

sasuke takes time to rearrange his appearance, to make it look like he hasn’t just made a mess of himself. once satisfied, he makes his way back to the entrance––

“sasuke.”

 _shit_. 

sasuke has caught up to his brother in most things, the gap in their heights closed considerably in recent years, but as itachi stands in the mouth of the alley, sasuke feels as if he’s six again, and itachi has caught him doing something he shouldn’t. 

“itachi, wh–– what do you need?” sasuke pretends to fix his sleeves just to avoid looking at his brother’s face. 

slowly, itachi says, “i was looking for you. i said i’d find you after.” he pauses. “sasuke, the way you left––”

“well, you’ve found me.” 

“sasuke––” 

he tries to edge past his brother but itachi holds out his arm. “ _sasuke_.” his icy tone makes sasuke finally look at his brother. itachi glares at him with such ferocity. oh. he’s _scared_. “you mustn’t go off alone.” 

he waves his brother off. “i’m looking for my friends. they’re waiting for me,” he lies. 

itachi doesn’t move his arm. he stares hard at his brother a moment before saying, “mizuki didn’t act alone.”

“what do you mean?” 

“mizuki was someone’s muscle. i doubt he would’ve entered the ring unless something very enticing lured him there.” itachi pauses. “something tells me it wasn’t just his idea.” 

sasuke’s stomach flips. “and who do you think…” 

“you know who father would say.”

“well, who do you say?” 

itachi purses his lips, then looks around. “too early to say, i suppose. that’s why you should be careful, though. just because mizuki is gone doesn’t mean things will go back to normal. i’m afraid that this will cause more problems, in fact.” 

“alright.” 

something in sasuke’s expression must trouble itachi because he says, “i’m being serious when i ask that you not wander off alone.” 

“i’m not a _dog_.”

“no, but you are my brother, and i hope you understand you’re significantly harder to replace. if anything were to happen to you––”

“ _okay_ ,” sasuke cuts across. “i get it.” he wants to ask what itachi meant before, about naruto, but his brother drops his arm and ushers him back into the street. sasuke doesn’t even know what to ask. 

one thing is for sure: itachi _and_ naruto would love to outfit him with a bell. 

itachi walks with him until he breaks away to go on home, mother and father already there, and sasuke continues on to find his friends. he hadn’t meant to lie to itachi, but as he stands in the street, looking for them, he realizes they may not have waited for him as he originally thought.

after all, what does he expect them to say? they too must think that sasuke should have killed mizuki in the ring and been done with it. what kind of person would drag it out like this? because this is much too cruel. 

sasuke knew what would happen, and _still_ lost his stomach. 

naruto pushes through the crowd toward sasuke, waving a hand at him. he beams ear-to-ear, something sasuke cannot mimic but relief floods him all the same. if naruto had any other reaction––

he stops the thought. it would be no different, he insists. sasuke told naruto the truth, hadn’t he? why he did it this way. let them think he’s cruel, let anyone else think whatever they want. still, naruto is not just _anyone_. 

“hey,” naruto says, “where’d you go?” he leans in close. sasuke thinks he means to hug him before opting to nudge his arm. it’s only been a few days since he’s last seen him, but already naruto’s presence loosens the tightness in his chest.

naruto managed to wear shoes today, dirty boots with thick soles, and his beige-colored jumpsuit, pockets in abundance, is the cleanest sasuke’s seen it. sasuke isn’t sure to attribute that to the early hour or because of the ceremony. naruto knotted his kerchief haphazardly around his neck; sasuke itches to fix it. 

sasuke focuses on the kerchief, unable to look elsewhere. “i talked to my brother.” sasuke lowers his voice, surprised at his own self when he says, “i didn’t expect you’d be here.”

naruto leans in as his eyebrows fly up his forehead. “of course i’d be here.”

naruto has more to say, his mouth opens and closes, but sakura walks up with her friend ino, and naruto clamps his mouth shut, instead standing beside sasuke to make room for the girls. 

sakura asks, “sasuke, where’d you go? we looked for you.”

sasuke repeats what he told naruto, once again carefully omitting the initial reason he fled the scene. he avoids looking at ino. she hardly likes him, this sasuke is sure of, and he would bet any of his limbs on that fact. ino leans heavily on sakura and doesn’t say much until they start walking away from the gate––something none of them discussed but they decided anyway––and conversation returns to where it must have been before naruto ran to him. 

naruto remains stuck to sasuke’s side, and he looks at him now, gleam in his eye. “kurenai is pregnant––yes or no.” 

sasuke carefully weighs his options before choosing the safest route. “i didn’t see her today.” 

sakura interjects, “you can’t just guess that people are pregnant, naruto. it’s rude.”

“i’m not saying she _looks_ pregnant,” naruto defends. it’s clear this is hotly contested territory. “i’m just saying that i just feel it. something’s changed. she and asuma are like _this_.” he twists his fingers together and brandishes them as concrete fact. 

ino snorts, chirping, “you’re glued to sasuke, naruto. are we going to expect a pregnancy announcement from you?” 

sasuke shoots her a look, but ino’s smile doesn’t hint at anything other than teasing––her specialty. it seems sakura kept her promise. for now. 

“i am actually,” naruto says in the most serious voice he can manage, hand on his stomach. “how’d you know?” 

sakura goes to whack his arm and naruto skitters away, laughing all the while. ino looks to sasuke and says, as if sharing what’s public knowledge, “hinata would be devastated.”

sasuke frowns. “she––”

but naruto slings an arm around sasuke’s neck and drags him forward, ignoring sasuke’s protests. “i’m hungry,” he says. “come with me.” 

sasuke misses naruto’s arm as it slides away. 

the girls soon depart, sakura citing paperwork she has to file, and sasuke almost feels guilty for wanting them to go. as soon as they are out of earshot, though, naruto takes hold of sasuke’s wrist in a mockery of leading him. naruto doesn’t say where they are going, but it’s not home, and that’s good enough for sasuke. eventually, naruto must let go of sasuke’s wrist, having no more excuses, but he does allow his hand to drift as close as it’s allowed, knuckles brushing against knuckles. 

naruto and sakura’s banter helped, but now all sasuke can remember are the whites of mizuki’s eyes as the gates shut him out. he knows he doesn’t have to keep pretending, that he can tell naruto he lost it in spite of everything, but the sentencing already feels so far away compared to the normality of everything around him. the day proceeds as it should: shopkeepers beckon from their doorways, finely dressed men attest to cures for their ailments, and children weave through the streets and laugh as if nothing is different. 

for them, nothing is. 

sasuke’s skin feels stretched over his frame. he rubs at his hands, as he hurries to keep up with naruto. he avowed himself not to feel guilty, but the more he thinks, the more he knows that the sick feeling in his stomach is not guilt. 

no. what he vomited was his fear. 

and it’s still there. 

“did you see it?” 

sasuke jerks his head to naruto, but naruto isn’t quite looking at him. his eyes are wide with excitement, thoughts racing. “out there. the trees were so _big_.” 

the wilds. 

for a moment, sasuke doesn’t know what to say. then, more brittle than he means to be, he says, “of course, i saw it.” 

it doesn’t phase naruto, though. “it’s strange. you know? i don’t remember any of that. that i came from there.”

sasuke is reminded again of his brother’s non-answers from that morning. he peeks at naruto from the corner of his eye. despite what anyone says, naruto seems _too_ human. he’s more vibrant than sasuke dreams of being, wearing every thought undressed on his face. if that’s his crime, then what a strange creature sasuke loves. 

sasuke watches naruto bite his lip. he rolls his eyes. “i know that’s not all you’re thinking. spit it out.”

“no, i mean, it’s nothing.” 

sasuke waits, but naruto for once doesn’t attempt to bridge the stretching silence. sasuke isn’t used to being on this end, being the one guessing what the other is thinking, and the more time that passes the more he wonders if there’s a reason naruto hasn’t told him. 

it could be nothing, nothing at all.

he spots a little stand selling meat pies, and he ushers naruto over with him. the man behind the counter assures him the meat is real, but one bite and sasuke knows it’s not. meat is usually brought back from the wilds, from the strange creatures that are as much a mystery as what sasuke chews now. it doesn’t even come close to the cleverly disguised dishes he’s used to at dinners. 

they stand back against the edge of the street, leaning against a building, as naruto wolfs his down, though, likely too hungry to care, and once he finishes sasuke silently hands his over. he knows sarutobi keeps naruto fed, but naruto never seems to walk away from a meal full. sasuke still has some height on him, but thanks to grappling hay bails and wrestling horses, or whatever stablehands do, naruto’s padded with muscle. all to say that when sasuke watches naruto eat, he finds it absurd how something like that makes him feel at ease. 

“you’re not hungry?”

“not especially.”

“don’t you wanna––”

“just eat, naruto.” 

naruto offers the meat pie back to sasuke one last time before giving up, and sasuke watches him devour it like it’s the best thing he’s had. sasuke’s not sure when the smile crept up his face, but for once, he doesn’t squash it, just stands in silence with naruto as he finishes. 

naruto wipes his mouth on his sleeve, catching sasuke’s eye. he grins. “painting my portrait?”

sasuke snorts. “you wish i would.”

“yeah, because it’d be _bad_. and i’d laugh.”

“like you’d be any better.”

naruto studies sasuke, eyes dropping to his mouth and then back up. sasuke wishes his gaze would have no effect on him; he wishes that the fact that naruto still has crumbs on his mouth and greasy fingers would ruin the moment, but they don’t. not at all. 

“i think,” naruto says sagely, “i could give it a try.”

sasuke’s mouth is dry. “i’d sit there for ages. i’d surely die before you finished.”

“i don’t know about that.” naruto’s smile curls, everything in his eyes saying they’ve moved on from the subject of painting. 

it is quite a shame they’re in public. 

so instead sasuke gives him a shove, causing naruto to laugh, and walks back to the stand. he holds the third pie out to naruto, who stares at him with big blinking blue eyes. 

“for me?” 

“who else.” 

sasuke doesn’t give naruto the choice of taking it or not. naruto’s barely got a hold on it when sasuke moves back to stand beside him. it takes naruto a moment, but he starts eating again, slower this time, more like he’s actually tasting what he’s eating.

satisfied, sasuke clears his throat and says, “my brother said he spoke to you.” 

naruto freezes mid-bite, and then he continues, but pointedly not looking at sasuke. “oh, right.”

“you didn’t tell me.” 

naruto shrugs, still focused on chewing. “it was the night i walked you home, and––i don’t know––it wasn’t a big deal.” 

considering naruto’s reaction to the _prospect_ of falling into his brother’s line of inquiry, sasuke seriously doubts the casual affectation to his words. “so,” he asks slowly. “what did he say?”

“this and that.” at sasuke’s look, naruto sighs. “you really wanna know?”

“when it come sto itachi, i feel like it’s necessary.”

“he just wanted to make sure that you’re alright.” naruto narrows his eyes a little, craning closer to sasuke. “he told me everything about––well––your family’s situation. nothing you haven’t told me, though. maybe that’s why he told me.” naruto shrugs again. “anyway, he just wanted to make sure i was being careful. extremely careful.” 

sasuke flushes at the thought of itachi meddling. “sorry about that.” 

“it’s fine.” naruto takes another bite of his meat pie. “he’s intense, but that runs in the family.” 

sasuke laughs at that, but it peters out as he notices the pale face staring across the market at them. hyuuga hinata hastily turns away when sasuke catches her eye but not before naruto also looks to see what sasuke is transfixed upon. naruto waves. 

the mapmaker half-runs away. 

“weird.” 

naruto finishes his meat pie, unfortunately choosing to talk through his food as he says, “it’s probably because you’re here.” 

“what do you mean?” 

“she usually does that. hovers.” 

sasuke stares at the side of naruto’s face and then back where hinata disappeared. ino’s words come back to him. “so,” he says tightly, “she’s stalking you.” 

“probably hasn’t figured out what she wants to say,” naruto laughs. “she’s not really the talking type.” 

“i don’t think it’s very funny.” 

naruto looks at sasuke as if he just watched a bug crawl out of his mouth. naruto frowns at him. “why are you mad?” 

“i’m not.”

they both know it’s a lie, though. sasuke clamps his mouth shut––annoyed at himself for even being annoyed by hinata, and then annoyed over the fact that he’s telling himself not to be annoyed. he squeezes his eyes shut. he shouldn’t take this out on naruto. 

sasuke rubs at his face. “i’m sorry. i–– i’m just tired.” 

naruto softens and carefully bumps their shoulders together. “i’ll walk you home,” he says. “you _look_ tired. you need some sleep.” 

sasuke wants to tell him about the nightmares. he wants to tell him how long it’s been since he’s had a full night’s sleep. he wants to ask naruto what ino meant about hinata, and if naruto blames him for what he saw today, and–– 

“okay,” sasuke says. 

and that’s all he says. 

there are two things to know. 

maybe sasuke has become too reliant on the idea that naruto never needs a prompt to speak, that his thoughts are, all at once, ready to come bouncing forth––whether sasuke likes it or not. sasuke not wanting to talk about something has never impeded naruto from barreling forward.  
jealousy is sasuke’s unkindest companion. 

sasuke spent years dueling sakura in a battle for naruto’s attention. a duel that rather recently proved to be misguided and more importantly _one-sided_. (really, how was he supposed to decipher she wanted _his_ attention over naruto’s.) it was a game of chess he played against himself. 

that aside, naruto collects friends like flypaper. those who decide to look past the rumors, naruto holds them tight. even if sasuke doesn’t understand it, he would never interfere, because the same way that sasuke needs so few friends is the reason why naruto needs many. it took him long enough to understand that. and it’s not that naruto has given sasuke a reason to be jealous, but it’s something he felt often even before they kissed that first time. as _just_ friends, feelings unspoken, sasuke felt it even more acutely, unsure of his spot in naruto’s life. for someone who could want so many people, it only seemed like a matter of time before naruto’s attention drifted elsewhere. 

and when jealousy hits sasuke, it leaves its mark. 

sasuke stares hard at hinata, at her modest gown, the cream color teetering on beige helps her blend into the wallpaper. he’s never really taken note of her before though they technically are in the same social circles. the hyuugas have heavy ties to their military, and she and her cousin apprentice as mapmakers. from the little that sasuke has heard of hinata, she’s said to be skilled. 

her geography skill, though, aren’t what sasuke thinks of as he stares her down. 

she remains blissfully unaware of him, alone on the other side of the crowded room, sipping politely from the porcelain cup. sasuke has taken up the habit of declining these dinners, much more in favor of seeking out naruto, but…. 

it’s been two weeks since mizuki’s sentencing. two weeks since he’s seen naruto. scratch that––he’s _seen_ naruto. twice. once to say that he would be busy in the upcoming days and to forewarn sasuke that he wouldn’t have much time to see him.

the second occasion sasuke glimpsed a certain busy blond person in the market with hinata. 

that was three days ago. 

“well, this is a wash.” 

sasuke looks up to see sakura yank an empty chair over beside his and throw herself into it. she wears a spectacular pair of trousers that–– sasuke narrows his eyes. 

“those,” he says tersely, “are mine.” 

“these? yes. you weren’t wearing them.” 

“i usually do only wear one pair a day.”

sakura rolls her eyes. “they were at the bottom of your closet.” at his expression, she provides, “your mother let me in. i forgot something in your room.” 

“like my pants?” 

“yes, like your pants.” ino walks over at that moment and sakura’s smile turns ever easier as she rests her ankle on the knee of her opposite leg. “ah, finally.” 

ino holds two glasses of wine in her hands, extending one to sakura. “saved a seat for me i see.” she makes to sit in sakura’s lap, but both girls explode into fits of laughter, wine nearly sloshing onto the floor. 

“is that your fourth glass?” sasuke asks drily. 

he didn’t think they heard him; he really didn’t mean to say it out loud, but ino shoots back at him, “cravat tied too tightly?”

sakura holds both glasses as ino pulls her own chair over. apparently they’ve chosen him as company tonight. sasuke folds his arms together and says nothing. 

ino settles herself and takes her glass back, shooting sasuke a heavy look. “quick, sakura, help him. the lack of oxygen to his brain is impairing his ability to speak.” 

he must look awful because sakura hushes ino and asks him, “are you okay?” 

“spectacular.”

the girls exchange a look. 

sasuke cuts his eyes to ino. “how’d you get here anyway?” 

“sakura invited me.” she places her hand on sakura’s shoulder, and sakura turns red. “i’m surprised you didn’t clean naruto up and trot him out here.” 

sasuke sinks lower in his seat. “it’s not really the place for him. me either.” 

“fair enough.”

sasuke can’t help himself, though, and asks, “ino, what did you mean the other week? about hinata.” 

it takes her a moment but then the memory dawns on ino’s face. “oh. that. i mean, it’s fairly obvious, right.” when she’s met with silence, ino sighs. “she’s had eyes on naruto forever.” 

“forever?” 

“of course. you couldn’t tell?” ino crosses her leg. “she’s always sort of following him around. she probably thinks he could hang the moon.” 

sasuke looks to sakura, but she’s hardly surprised. he’s not sure how this escaped his attention, but it is true that he’s never paid much attention to hinata. his gut twists. 

hinata stands across the room, still alone, and sasuke hates what rises up in his chest. 

all this can be explained. there’s nothing for him to worry about. 

so why does he feel like he’s plowing forward into a brick wall?

sakura clears her throat. “ino, you mind grabbing me another?” ino looks at sakura’s near-full glass and then back at sasuke. sasuke thinks she’ll protest, but she doesn’t, instead putting on an overly sweet smile.

“anything for you.” 

sakura stares after her before turning back to sasuke. she leans forward, elbows on her knees. “what’s wrong with you?” 

“nothing––” 

“don’t finish that thought. give me a real answer.” 

sasuke presses his lips together. he could tell her that he hasn’t slept much since mizuki’s exile, but this is hardly the place to do it. all the faces around him are familiar, but who could be listening? if his parents are correct, then he hardly wants to give danzo the satisfaction that this has affected him so deeply. 

instead, he tells her another truth. “naruto’s being unlike himself.” 

the mention of their friend makes sakura lean even closer, trouble crossing her face. “how do you mean?” 

sasuke briefly explains the situation, and sakura glances across the room at hinata and then back to sasuke. sakura frowns at him. “so you’re jealous.” 

sasuke won’t admit it out loud, but his silence is confirmation enough. and sakura? well, disappointment reads clear as day on her face. “have you tried talking to naruto?”

again, sasuke’s silence acts as confirmation. 

sakura sags back into her seat and stares at him as if she were wearing her lab coat. “how much sleep are you getting?” 

“enough.”

“right. do you…. have you talked to _anyone_ lately?”

“about what?” 

sakura frowns. “about what happened. mizuki. the fight. anything.”

sasuke’s mouth feels like sandpaper. he swallows. “there’s not much to say.”

sakura shakes her head. “sasuke, i’m saying this as a friend, but you look awful. ever since the fight, you’ve looked…out of it? i’m worried about you. naruto is, too.” 

“naruto?” 

sakura rolls her eyes. “yes. is it shocking that he is? he’s only _crazy_ about you.” she leans toward him, softening her voice. “look, you’ve gone through something none of us have. if not me, talk to him. you need to talk to someone.” 

“well, well, miss me?” ino sits back in her seat, passing sakura a new glass. sakura puts her head on ino’s shoulder as a thank you, and the blond girl says something else, but sasuke is no longer paying attention to them. he misses the peck sakura puts on ino’s cheek, and he misses the hand ino places on sakura’s thigh. instead, he thinks about the one person he wishes was here, the one person he’d rather be with than anyone else….

sasuke loosens his collar, night air licking the sweat-slicked skin of his throat. he hardly touched the wine, but it seems to have gone to his knees, trembling as he walks through the streets to the one place he avoids most of all. 

sarutobi’s estate is a sprawling sliver of land in a district where every piece of space has been claimed and used. most residences larger than a matchbox are considered luxurious; sasuke knows his own is highly coveted. but sarutobi’s is larger than the whole district center, large enough to have some livestock, a few horses and a stable. 

the stable naruto lives above. 

the walls around sarutobi’s estate are taller than the ones that encircle his own home, but the stoney walls provide excellent footholds once sasuke manages to find a stretch not in direct governance of a guard. it strikes him as funny, when he’s halfway up the wall and sweating through his velvet doublet, that naruto sneaks into everywhere else and yet, one of the most guarded areas in their district, he’s allowed to walk through the front gate. 

sasuke doesn’t want to know the punishment for being caught. 

he hoists himself over the wall, managing to scrape his hands as he drops. he bends his knees as he lands, but the jolt still races up his legs. he hisses through his teeth. crouching against the wall, he’s nestled in the darkness, shielded from the streetlamps on the other side but also from the lanterns lighting the various pathways weaving up to the decadent house on the hill. it takes sasuke a moment to orient himself, but then he finds the stable––naruto’s stable.

sasuke keeps to the shadows, using the trees for cover. the guard is spread mostly along the wall and up toward the house, and he remembers the few times naruto brought him here, always in secret, pointing out where they station themselves and the best way to get to the stable in secret.

sasuke credits naruto with that––no matter how silly naruto finds his precautions, he respects the distance sasuke keeps with sarutobi. naruto manages to find his way into any place konoha says he shouldn’t be, and while that’s for his sake, sasuke cannot pretend that he hasn’t made it any easier on naruto. not for the first time, sasuke feels guilty for it. 

a soft whinny greets sasuke as he sets foot into the stable. the stable is mainly dark, the edges of stalls just visible in the bit of moonlight that filters in and from the light at the end of the building. near the back is the ladder leading to the second story, warm light filtering down the rungs. sasuke debates his options. call up to naruto? make his way up and hope he doesn’t scare him to death? 

in the end, sasuke swipes some pebbles from the ground and tosses one up, up into the opening of the loft he waits a moment and tosses another. “ _naruto?_ ”

he hears movement above, and then naruto’s face appears through the hole. “ _shit_ ,” he breathes, wide-eyed. his hair sticks up in all direction, and sasuke suspects he may have woken him. he blinks a few time and then he half-mumbles, “don’t just stand there like a dumbass, dumbass.” 

sasuke swears at him and climbs up the ladder. 

the second floor of the stable is a home for old equipment and out-of-season materials. sasuke hoists himself up into the room and spots heaps of winter blankets and old saddles, gloves and buckets with missing handles and broken tools that have been cast off. in one corner of the room, however, naruto has made a spot for himself. 

naruto has his pallet tucked against the wall, the ceiling sloping so harsh that sasuke doubts naruto can fully sit up in bed without hitting his head. he’s overturned a crate and set a lantern on it, which casts his corner in a dim orange glow. 

naruto has few other things. a trunk that he’s had as long as sasuke has known him holds his spare clothing and whatever else he’s collected over the years. a few books stacked next to his bed. some drawings tacked to the wall and ceiling. sasuke blinks in surprise at those. naruto hadn’t been kidding; he’s rather good.

naruto scrubs at his face, sasuke really must have woken him, and asks, “so what’s the occasion?” 

it’s been too long since his last visit here. naruto has painted his trunk since then. 

naruto steps closer, brows furrowed. “sasuke? everything okay?” 

the word _no_ bubbles up, but sasuke has forced it back for so long. he opens his mouth but shuts it. 

naruto shakes his head as if to shake off sleep. he rubs his eyes again. “you–– that fundraiser was tonight, right?” he takes another step closer. “did something happen?” 

sasuke hates the worry in his eyes. that naruto’s worrying over him when he thought–– 

“nothing happened,” sasuke says mechanically. with that admission, he feels silly standing here in his finery. he left the fundraiser. he snuck into sarutobi’s estate. _he snuck into sarutobi’s estate._

naruto says “did you…just want to see me?” the same time sasuke says “did i make you uncomfortable––telling you that i love you.” 

the words hang between them. 

it takes naruto an awful moment to figure what sasuke asked him, and then his face crumples, as if struck. “no,” he says. “no, why would i–– what are you talking about?” 

“nevermind.” 

“no,” naruto says again, this time more firmly. “tell me.” 

now faced with naruto, sasuke has no idea what to say. all that he told sakura dies in his throat. but naruto shakes his head, and he says, “sasuke, i’m… you know how i feel.” 

sasuke can’t bear to say the words _i know_ because he doubted naruto after all. his silence, though, just makes naruto look more and more desperate. 

“i’ve been busy, i know,” naruto explains as if before a court. “i’m–– i’m sorry.” 

“naruto.” sasuke cuts in before naruto says another word. “ _i’m_ sorry. everything’s been so strange lately. i just….”

“yeah?”

after a few false starts, sasuke says, “i don’t know where my head’s at. i keep thinking and thinking, but none of it’s helpful. i second guess everything. even things i _should_ know. i’ve been angrier, too. and jealous.” 

sasuke isn’t sure what he expected when he imagined telling naruto this, but he did not imagine the scenario of naruto’s eyes softening, did not imagine naruto directing sasuke to his bed and saying, “here, sit down” and “start over for me; tell me everything.” 

it’s not easy. it’s not easy, but sasuke still tells him about the dreams, about mizuki, about not sleeping. he tells him about the early morning sessions dancing around the bag, and naruto holds his hand and brushes his thumb over the scabs. he tells naruto what he told sakura, about hinata, and to that naruto says quietly, “i’m sorry i made you think that way.” it breaks sasuke’s heart. 

“no,” sasuke says, clenching his hand around naruto’s. “no, it’s not–– i want you to see who you want. visit who you want. i just––when you told me i wouldn’t see you, and i _wanted_ to very badly, and then you were with hinata, my head got the better of me.” 

“it’s fine.”

“no,” sasuke swallows, “it’s not. i should have talked to you sooner.” 

“did you think i wouldn’t listen to you? because you can tell me anything.” 

“i know.” 

“really.” 

“i know. i––” sasuke presses his face into his hands. “i’m sorry.” 

“hey. hey, look.” naruto coaxes sasuke’s hands away from his face, and he presses their foreheads together. slowly, sasuke looks into blue eyes. “you told me now. that’s what matters to me.” naruto brushes the back of his hands against sasuke’s face, and it’s maddening, how gentle he can be. sasuke almost doesn’t believe him, that everything is really okay, that he can let someone be so close to him, within striking distance and trust they won’t hurt him. 

they sit close for a moment, just breathing, and it’s amazing how there seems to hardly a thing between them when an hour previous sasuke couldn’t have felt any farther from him. 

naruto touches his lips to sauske’s forehead. “whenever you’re upset, whenever you’re hurt, tell me. i’ll listen.” sasuke starts to respond, but naruto squeezes his hand in his. “i mean it. especially with everything that’s been happening. okay?” 

naruto eases back against the wall, but his thigh still presses against sasuke’s. his hand drifts down sasuke’s back, so familiar, so easily, that sasuke shudders against it. if naruto feels his reaction, he makes no sign. 

“i have been busy lately,” naruto explains, his hand still tracing patterns against sasuke’s low back, right at the edge of his waistcoat. “i didn’t mean to keep you in the dark, but you know i can hardly keep a secret, and i really didn’t want you guessing before i was ready. but i, umm, made something. for you.” 

_oh_. 

“i’d like to have been sneaking through your window, honest, but i don’t trust myself one bit.” he laughs and sasuke feels a savage splinter start at his core, spreading outward, made only worse when naruto shyly looks at him and asks, “would you like it?” 

sasuke says, “of course.” 

naruto crawls over him to reach for the trunk. “i was planning on taking you to the lake and making a night of it, but this works too. we always go to the lake.” sasuke fills in the _you never come here_ himself, but naruto doesn’t sound bitter, only more excited. as he fishes around in the truck, sasuke reaches out to gently run his fingers through the back of naruto’s hair. he can’t help himself. 

naruto returns to sitting beside him, hands fisted in his lap and presumably filled with his surprise. “hold out your hands and close your eyes––good.” satisfied, naruto practically giggles and leans a little into sasuke as a cold weight drops into sasuke’s waiting palms, but he keeps his eyes closed. 

naruto says, “imagine that we’re at the lake or something and under the stars and i’ve spent half the night getting on your good side.” 

“we could have very well done that,” sasuke murmurs. “we can still do that.” 

“no, here’s fine. i like you here.”

“fine, so we’re at the lake. or smelling like hay and horses.”

“uh huh.”

“and i’d remind you that i used to pin you to the exact spot of where we sat.” 

naruto’s breath fans the shell of sasuke’s ear. “promise?”  
sasuke aches. he struggles to keep his words even. “can i open my eyes?”

naruto laughs louder than he should, and he smothers his face against sasuke’s shoulder. “okay, okay. open your eyes.” 

a ring in sasuke’s hand stares back at him, winking in the low light. the chain that’s been looped through it pools in his palm, and he carefully turns the band over in his hand. he rubs the tip of his finger over the simple swirling design etched along it. it’s a bit wider than most rings, but when sasuke overturns it, he’s able to make out an inscription along the inside: BY YOUR HAND AND YOUR HEART. 

“i’m still learning,” naruto rushes to say, words bursting from him like he can no longer contain himself. “i did most of it myself, but i did need some help.” he laughs but he sounds unsure, still waiting for sasuke’s verdict. he watches sasuke run his finger over the inscription, and he chuckles again. “you said to not say it in the moment, to save it for when i really feel it, but i love you––everyday. i thought i did, even before you first kissed me at the lake, but i _really_ couldn’t say it then, but every day i still feel it. i look at you, and it makes me so happy because you chose _me_. i’ve wanted to say it for so long, but then you beat me to the punch, and it wouldn’t have felt right in the moment just because i don’t think you would’ve believed me since you like to be contrary. 

naruto finally peers up to see sasuke’s glassy eyes, the threat of tears spilling over. he inhales, and he states, “sasuke, you’re crying.” 

“shut it.” it’s a hollow request, made worse by the hitch in sasuke’s voice and the first tear running down his cheek. as much as sasuke tries to strengthen his walls, he splinters right down the center, completely coming apart when naruto pulls him to his chest. 

“aw,” he coos, “don’t cry––” 

“ _shut it_.” the words have no effect, stained already with tears. 

naruto threads a hand into sasuke’s hair and places the other on his back. he nuzzles into sasuke’s neck and says, “i don’t want to be a stablehand forever. i–– i mean to ask sarutobi for his leave. not yet, but soon. soon. i have some money saved, and i think i could convince iruka to move, to maybe let me live with him.” 

sasuke didn’t allow himself any tears the night of his fight, so it pours out now. he hates the way his shoulders jump, how naruto feels every bit of him. he fights to get his breath under control. 

not for the first time and certainly not the last, sasuke cannot imagine a life without naruto. he wants no other. 

itachi approves of naruto. if he didn’t, itachi would have made efforts to intervene long before now. even still, it would be harder to convince his parents. his father mostly. it’s not a smart match, they’d say, that all naruto has is his ambition and nothing to show for it, but if they knew, if they _knew_ …. his parents would fight him every step of the way in making naruto his partner. they might retaliate, keep suggesting their own “matches” for him. sakura may have been upset that he indeed used her as a cover-up, but he isn’t ready to be subjected to his parents’ needling. 

but, if he were the head of the family, sasuke would not need their approval. if he could just wait long enough, if he could keep this hidden long enough, his parents would have no official say in his choosing of a partner, meaning naruto will be under the protection of his family name…. 

a family––naruto as _his_ family. 

sasuke isn’t ready to tell naruto all that, but he tucks the thought away for now, to revisit and dwell on when there aren’t tears streaming down his face. 

“i’m with you,” naruto says. “no matter what, i’m with you––” 

sasuke’s kiss cuts him off. “i don’t need a beach,” he breathes, ring still pressed tightly to his palm. “just you.” 

naruto makes a helpless noise. his hands drift down to hold sasuke’s waist as sasuke presses himself even closer, winding his arms around naruto’s neck. they haven’t had much opportunity to trade more than a few kisses since before the fight, and the time between rapidly converts to a flurry of hands and an uptick in both their hearts. 

sasuke’s not sure how it happens but naruto’s back hits the pallet with a soft thud, and he groans as sasuke follows him down. sasuke sets the ring aside before using his hand to cup naruto’s face and kiss him deeper, more fiercely than he would dare if they were anywhere else. on mornings that naruto climbs through his window and into his bed, naruto will press himself to sasuke’s back and sometimes his hands will drift down to sasuke’s stomach, then lower. 

they’ve ventured farther than kissing but not by much. the most privacy they are afforded are those sweet mornings where naruto’s joined him in bed, but they’ve been hesitant to go further than what requires their hands for fear of interruption. sasuke’s never had much courage to convince naruto to stay the night nor has he gone so far as to sneak into naruto’s room, as he’s done now. 

but here they are. 

it would be a lie to say that sasuke’s had no interest in these matters, however until naruto, he’s had no one to share them with. his father gave him a rough understanding of procreation, and while he has no interest in that, it seems much of the district’s populous is as all he could find at the library were texts on procreative sex. it took him a bit to find what he was looking for, elbowing away stacks of medical journals, but he found it eventually. 

the easier route would have been submitting himself to the humiliation of asking his uncle madara––probably his great-great-great uncle, actually, but not even itachi knows quite how they are related––about how to lie with someone with the same parts as yourself. sasuke would rather be dead than exhaust that avenue. 

naruto tugs sasuke so he’s down on the pallet with him, facing each other on their sides. he has questions in his eyes. sasuke feels foolish for ever doubting him. “do you…” naruto bites his lip. 

sasuke places his leg over naruto’s and pulls himself closer. “i want you.” 

“okay. yeah.” naruto kisses him again. “yeah.” 

“was this part of your plan too?” 

“would you be upset if i said yes?” 

this gets a laugh out of sasuke, and he snakes a hand behind naruto’s head. “a little because if you thought this would be happening on the beach, you’d be sorely mistaken.” 

“what’s a little adventure in the moonlight?” 

“sand everywhere––that’s what.” 

naruto’s hand finds sasuke’s waist and starts untucking his shirt. a thrill runs up sasuke’s spine and when naruto’s hand drifts up and up, running his rough palm over sasuke’s chest, his heart beats in his throat. he draws naruto in again to kiss his oft-bitten lips, and he hopes naruto doesn’t feel him tremble. 

they trade kisses awhile longer, naruto content to drag his fingers under sasuke’s shirt and to feel the sighs leave his lips as he touches certain spots. it feels unhurried despite sasuke’s pulse sounding like the horses below have awoken to race beneath them. naruto pushes sasuke onto his back and naruto hovers half-over him, still kissing his lips, his ear, then his neck. he asks, “when do you have to go?” 

sasuke doesn’t want to think of it. “the party is still going on, and i told itachi i would be late, that i needed to see you.” 

naruto pulls his head back. he pauses, a sly smile appearing. “so you’re saying this was _your_ idea.” 

“maybe i just wanted to talk to you.” 

“maybe.” and then naruto’s finger play with sasuke’s waistband again but this time dipping downward. “so do you want to keep talking?” 

sasuke swallows. “no.”

naruto smiles down at him, but he says seriously, “i want to make you feel good. tell me what you want.” 

imagining getting time with naruto like this has been so out of reach that now that sasuke’s has it, he freezes. he must look like a statue because naruto leans in and offers, “we could just kiss for awhile, if that’s what you want.” 

sasuke clears his throat. naruto’s the one with more experience, and he’s never pushed nor prodded sasuke into anything, something that sasuke has always appreciated. he hates being unsure of himself, letting others witness him make mistakes, but with naruto, it’s worth it. he licks his lips. “it’d feel like a wasted opportunity.” 

naruto’s smile dips. “if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.” 

“no, i am. i just….” sasuke tries to look away, but naruto tips his face back to him, keeping their eyes locked. “i just––i didn’t think we’d get here.” 

naruto’s smile comes back. 

sasuke lowers his voice, so quiet he may as well have not said a thing. “i’m nervous.” 

“i am, too,” naruto admits, pressing more kisses to sasuke’s face. “it’s you, after all.” 

sasuke’s face could be used for warmth on cold nights, the sheer heat that radiates off him. “i thought i said no more talking.” 

“sorry, can’t help it.” 

“i know.” 

naruto nudges him again, though. “sasuke, what do you want?” 

he knows what he wants. he drags his hand down between them, down between naruto’s legs, and naruto buries the sound he makes in sasuke’s shoulder. he’s half-hard already. “i want,” he slowly says, “you on your back.” 

naruto is quick to comply. his hair fans across the small pillow and the scars on his face seem even more pronounced. his loose linen pants fail to hide his arousal, but naruto doesn’t seem embarrassed by it. he just lies there, waiting. 

sasuke flexes his hands. then he crawls up the length of naruto, ignoring the spot in question a bit longer. he kisses naruto again, kissing his face and then his neck, and then his collarbones. naruto’s stomach is sensitive, so sasuke makes his way there next, taking the time to slowly ruck up naruto’s shirt. when sasuke presses a kiss to his navel, he flicks his eyes up to find naruto watching him. sasuke holds the edges of naruto’s pants, and though already naruto knows, he prefaces softly, “i’ve not done this before, so you need to speak up if i’m doing something wrong.” 

naruto’s head dips briefly back onto the pillow before he cranes forward again, smiling so wide that sasuke thinks his head will explode. “i love you,” he says, much too loudly though he talks so low. “i love you. i––” 

“okay.” sasuke flushes. “okay.” 

“even if you managed to give me a permanent injury, i’d love you. you know?” naruto reaches down and runs his hand through sasuke’s bangs, pushing them away from his face. “it’s true.” 

sasuke shakes his head. “you’re so––”

“i know.” 

sasuke licks his lips and drags naruto’s pants down without further delay. he has seen the outline of his friend before and felt him before. they’ve stripped down next to nothing to swim in the lake, drying themselves on the shore in the noonday sun, and sasuke, more recently, has ventured below the waist to hastily give naruto pleasure, but only now does sasuke allow himself to look. to take in naruto’s everything and not shy away. finally, naruto looks flushed, perhaps embarrassed by sasuke seeing him like this, or maybe because of what’s to come. 

sasuke unbuttons his shirt the rest of the way, a feat that takes longer than he’d like, but naruto watches him all the while, and for once, he’s quiet. sasuke shucks it off and adds it to the growing pile of clothes. he’s about to dip down, when naruto says, “c’mere.” 

sasuke looks at naruto spread before him and lowers himself so they lie chest-to-chest, skin-to-skin. sasuke’s trousers do little to hide what either feels, and naruto’s breath hitches as sasuke experimentally wiggles his hips. 

“i want you,” naruto confesses, pleads. “so bad. _fuck_ ––you’re beautiful.” 

sasuke grinds himself about naruto, watching his reactions and unable to stifle his own. “have you––seen yourself?” 

naruto can’t answer, too busy fisting his hands in sasuke’s hair. sasuke uses that to slide down naruto once more, and settle himself between his legs. sasuke kisses naruto’s tummy again for good measure and plants one hand firmly on naruto’s hip. he takes a deep breath. blood pounds in his ears. naruto’s fingers twitch against his scalp. 

sasuke tastes his friend, his love, and the _whimper_ sasuke hears spurs him on. his free hand cups what does not fit into his mouth, and the whole thing is messy, wet, _loud_. naruto tries to be as quiet as he can, mouth clamped shut to avoid making too much noise, but even his low groans feel like shouts into the darkness. still, sasuke goes on, doing his best, and when naruto pants, _yes, yes, like thatall_.” naruto takes off his bed shirt the rest of the way and uses it to wipe his stomach and then sasuke’s hand. he looks tired; he’s worked all day, and suddenly sasuke feels a pang of guilt for keeping him up. as if reading sasuke’s mind, naruto says, “lay here for moment? i promise i won’t fall asleep; i just need to catch my breath.” 

sasuke mumbles, “sounds like something someone who’s about to fall asleep would say,” but he tugs naruto closer, nearly tucking himself into the space beneath naruto’s chin.

they lay there together in the quiet, naruto’s arm around him. soft whinnies occasionally punctuate the silence, but otherwise the night remains unbroken. sasuke’s close to drifting off when naruto says, “i can’t believe you were jealous of hinata.” 

“like i said,” sasuke murmurs, “i wasn’t thinking right. also she stares at you.” 

“huh. really?” 

sasuke rolls his eyes. “don’t be stupid.” 

“yeah, i’ll just tone it down.” naruto pinches him. “i really wouldn’t have figured.” he pauses and then gets up on his elbows so he can look down at sasuke. “the other day––i don’t know how to explain it. a lot of people either ignore me or pretend to like me, or they weirdly pretend to _not_ be uncomfortable. she’s never done that.” 

“what do you mean?” 

“you said she stares at me. i don’t think…. i don’t think it’s because she likes me.” 

“you think she…doesn’t?” 

naruto raises his eyes to the ceiling in thought. “every time i notice her, she’s looking at me, but when i look at her, she runs away.” 

sasuke’s not sure why they’re talking about this. “she could still be sweet on you.” 

“this feels _different_.” and then there’s urgency in naruto’s voice. like he knows something but doesn’t know the words for it. 

sasuke presses his lips into a line. “i wouldn’t pay mind to her, then,” he decides. “she’s not worth your time. i knew the hyuugas were delusional, but not _that_ delusional. figures.” 

sasuke’s words don’t seem to bring naruto any solace. “that day, she came up to me. for the first time.” he looks at sasuke with something like grimace. “it was obvious she had something to say to me. i thought it might have something to do with you or sakura––because why me? but she stood in front of me…and then left. she looked scared; she kept checking over her shoulder. it was strange.” 

hinata has always been a more withdrawn person; sasuke wonders if naruto read her wrong. 

naruto says, “she was going to say something then she told me to ‘forget it’ and bolted. it just felt off.” naruto clenches his fists. “before i tell you, i need you to know i didn’t _purposefully_ go looking for her.”

sasuke takes in the way naruto’s eyes blaze and the rigid set of his shoulders. his stomach plunges. “naruto….” 

“it was late when i finished your ring. i was walking back here, when i saw them.” naruto’s knuckles glow white. “i saw _him_ with hinata.” naruto’s face twists as he mouths the name _danzo_ , and sasuke’s stomach drops. “he was––fuck, i don’t know. they were walking together, but i swear he had his hand on her arm, like he was leading her somewhere. they were walking down the street behind the soup kitchen, and there were people around, so it was hardly private, but––”

sasuke sits up, staring naruto in the eyes. “what did you do.” 

“i didn’t do anything,” naruto grumbles. “by the time i followed after them, they were gone. i have no fucking clue what happened.” disharmony twists naruto’s face. “i have no idea. i saw neji this morning, and i hardly talk to him, but i asked him where she was, and he was so confused why _i’d_ be asking.” 

sasuke buries his hands in his hair. 

naruto continues, “he said she’s feeling under the weather. _again_. so what does that mean? huh? i’ve been thinking about this all day, and there’s no explanation that doesn’t make me angry. i want to–– i want to _do_ something.” 

sasuke grabs naruto’s arm and breathes, “you _can’t_.” 

“there’s no good reason for anything i saw. what if she’s scared of someone? what if she needed my help?” 

finally, sasuke gets out, “naruto, stop. _breathe_. listen to me. her family is tied so closely to our military, and that man has a lot of sway; more and more people think that his drivel makes _sense_.” 

“i know.”

“he’s been drumming up that superstitious bullshit, which i know you’ve heard.” 

naruto tenses. how could he not? it’s more common than not to see someone preaching in the town square, professing about generational curses and blaming the frequent droughts on the abandonment of a god sasuke isn’t familiar with. 

“if hinata’s family has thrown their lot in with him, maybe she is scared of you.” naruto doesn’t say anything, and sasuke hates that he said it but not enough to take it back. “stay away from them,” he bites out. “both of them.” 

the fire has dimmed, but he still looks unconvinced. “the look on her face, though….” 

“i’ll keep an ear out, alright? i’m not saying you’re wrong, but it’s too much of a risk.” 

sasuke hates the skepticism on naruto’s face. he hates that naruto sees right through him, how selfish he is. he eases up his grip on naruto, and tries to placate him by saying, “let me handle it. i’ll figure it out.” 

naruto sits up to match sasuke, reignited. “you,” he says. “it’s always you. you won’t ever just––” 

sasuke goes cold. “just what?” 

“you take on it all. let me lighten the load.” 

“not with this.” 

“then what?” 

sasuke doesn’t have an answer. 

“whenever _this_ is over then? when he’s no longer a threat? when will that be?” naruto just looks at sasuke before he scoots even closer to him. he tucks sasuke’s bangs behind his ear, suddenly softening in a maddening way. sasuke wants to throttle him. he wants to keep fighting. he wants…. 

he wants. 

naruto’s fingers linger by sasuke’s ear, and he says, “the only way we get through this is together. you know?” 

it’s easy to say, much harder to put into practice. 

naruto doesn’t know his worst nightmares are something happening to naruto, to his family. that all he has could be ripped away, so he digs in tighter. his grip might suffocate, but he doesn’t know how to allow for air. 

naruto’s fingers trail down his neck. down his collarbone. 

the lamplight sputters. 

naruto cups the back of sasuke’s neck, almost reverent. almost. 

sasuke licks his lips. “i’m waiting.” 

that seems to shatter something in naruto. he surges forward; they tumble back to the pallet; their kisses are less delicate and more frantic, as if the other will disappear otherwise. naruto bites at sasuke’s neck, grinding on his leg, and sasuke savors the rush it gives him to see naruto this way. 

“hands,” naruto pants, “put them on me.” 

sasuke’s hands fly up to hold naruto’s sides and gone is naruto’s smile. his brow furrowed, he has something on his mind, and sasuke fears what it could be. 

sasuke breathes, “show me what you’re capable of.” 

“is that what you want?” naruto runs his finger down the front of sasuke’s trousers, following the seam even further down as he asks, “you want me here?” 

“if anyone will be, it’s you.” 

naruto’s fingers fly to undo the lacing on sasuke’s pants, and it would be comical if naruto didn’t have a gleam in his eye as if to say he’d cut sasuke out of them if it came down to it. but he works the trousers off without any modifications, and soon sasuke is equally as cold as he is hot. shivering though he sweats. 

naruto runs a hand over him, and oh, he’s wanted this. 

which is evident, when after naruto’s spent his time plying sasuke with kisses, kneading hands into muscle, naruto’s fingers dip downward to find traces of oil already there. 

“so,” naruto says. “you did plan this.” 

as mentioned, sasuke did his research. he’d be a liar if he hadn’t thought of naruto as the one between his legs, and he did his best to figure out what that _means_. if sasuke stopped home and, well, made sure he was clean before dropping in on his lover unannounced, can he be blamed? 

naruto glances up at sasuke and says, “turn over.” 

what follows is something sasuke didn’t know he wanted, being worked open on naruto’s tongue. it’s odd. it’s good. rather than the act itself, the fact that it’s naruto makes sasuke sigh into the pillow, and naruto’s hands grip at his thighs. 

when naruto pulls his mouth away, he smooths his finger around sasuke’s entrance, and sasuke can’t see him, but he _feels_ the expression naruto’s making. rustling noises fill sasuke’s ears and he hears the tiny sound of a bottle being unstoppered. naruto’s slickened finger meet sasuke’s entrance again, slipping easily inside. without much success, sasuke’s tried this himself, but he’s never gotten the angle right. or maybe it’s the fact that it’s his own touch that ruins it for him. 

but while naruto works him open on his fingers this time, he uses the excess oil to reach around and lightly drag his fingers over sasuke’s hardness. naruto talks to him all the while, how nice sasuke feels, how nice he wants _him_ to feel, asking if it’s good, sasuke, is it good? 

“y–yes.” 

“more?”

“more.” 

naruto works his way up to two, and when it’s time, three fingers. at this point, sasuke feels the pleasure building within him. not quite there, but enough for him to plead, “now, naruto. _now_.” 

naruto presses a kiss to sasuke’s low back and says, “tell me if it’s too much.” 

he’s so damn gentle, but it’s worth the wait as sasuke has to breathe deeper, center himself. “oh,” naruto sighs. “you’re––perfect. you’re doing so well.” 

sasuke’s request for more oil barely makes it out of his mouth before naruto hastens to apply more. slowly, sasuke adjusts around him. it’s intense, the pressure. but naruto waits, running his hands up and down sasuke’s sides all the while. 

sasuke wiggles his hips and earns a hiss out of naruto. 

“you–– are you ready?” 

sasuke grunts in reply and naruto gives his first shallow thrust. at first, it feels like a mistake, that this can’t be pleasurable, and sasuke stumbles out, “wait.” 

naruto freezes behind him. “yeah?” 

“i…don’t know.” 

naruto warns sasuke before pulling out, and he feels empty at the loss of naruto, but then naruto pulls sasuke to him, patting his cheek. “you okay?” 

sasuke nods. “i don’t know what’s wrong.” 

“it’s fine. you wanna do something else?” 

not in the slightest. sasuke asks, “would you mind getting on your back again? i’ll try doing it that way.” 

naruto pecks sasuke’s lips before getting back in position and helping sasuke get onto his lap. sasuke interlaces his fingers with naruto’s as he sinks down onto him, naruto’s knees bracing his back. 

“now i can see your face,” naruto comments. his own face is a sight––eyes half-lidded, lips reddened from where he keeps biting them. 

sasuke slowly works himself along naruto, finding a pace that feels good, trying to aim for that spot naruto brushed against. quickly, sasuke’s thighs burn from the exertion, and when he breaks the pace, naruto lets go of sasuke’s hands and grabs his hips, adjusting them forward. naruto begins to thrust against him and–– _there_. 

sasuke’s amazed naruto can keep up the pace for so long, hitting that spot with fervor and sending waves of through his core. sweat runs down his back. sasuke’s hardly surprised when naruto has to stop and rest, but more importantly, sasuke’s found what he’s been looking for. he rolls his hips, grinding against the spot naruto so lovingly pounded, and naruto’s fractured gasp makes him smile. he grinds that spot against him. he bears down on naruto’s cock, clenching around him, and he doesn’t care how desperate he looks with his hands palming naruto’s chest, hips rolling helplessly. 

naruto, face red, and mouth hanging open, takes ahold of sasuke’s hardness again, swiping a thumb across him and bringing it to his mouth. 

the sight alone isn’t enough to push sasuke to the edge, but he’s quickly heading that way. he goes faster. naruto murmurs, “like that? you like that?” 

sasuke can’t answer.

naruto slides his hand along sasuke’s length, and he grunts out, “sasuke, how–– are you close?” 

“getting––there.” 

“touch yourself.” 

naruto widens his knees again, and sasuke sits back. it feels weird, touching himself in front of naruto in spite of what they’re doing, but he’s dangerously close to the ledge. naruto thrusts into him again and sets a brutal pace. sasuke’s body feels alight. his chest flushes bright red. the pleasure builds and builds, paradoxically so good that he tries to get away from it, legs trying to twitch closed. 

sasuke can’t imagine how naruto has the capacity for anything else, but he grunts out, “come on––that’s it––you’re so beautiful–– _fuck_ ––come on.” 

sasuke is familiar with the complete loss of control when finishing, but this feels more violent, his whole body twitching around naruto, making a mess on himself but also across naruto. 

and _that_ seems to be what naruto needs. he gives sasuke a few more thrusts but then he’s following behind, and everything feels _warm_. 

they look at each other, and seemingly without reason, they laugh. 

naruto says, “i think you bruised me.” indeed, when sasuke glances down at naruto’s chest, there are fingerprints left behind. 

“i thought you said something about ‘permanent damage’ and loving me anyway?” 

“yeah, i didn’t think you would be keen on pulling me apart.” 

sasuke snorts. “how do you think i feel?” 

naruto grins up at him as he trails his fingers across his thighs. everything is a mess. they’ve thoroughly wrecked each other, and sasuke knows he should disengage, clean up, and walk home, but that’s not what he wants. 

naruto asks, “will you stay?” 

“i’ll stay.” 

sasuke slowly pulls off naruto, and it’s evident they need more than a shirt to clean this up, but naruto quickly finds a clean rag and his washbasin to wipe them both off. he doesn’t allow sasuke to do it himself, insisting sasuke should just hold still for him, and it’s only settled when sasuke makes him promise he’ll let sasuke take care of him _next time_. 

they leave their clothes strewn about, and sasuke settles onto his back, naruto settling beside him as if he’s been belted to his side. the weight of him is heavy, but sasuke’s so tired, and naruto’s hand on his stomach is so warm. 

“sleep,” naruto tells him. “we’ll take care of it in the morning.” 

he could mean so many different things, or everything, but funnily enough, sasuke believes him. 

sasuke falls asleep and does not wake up once.

**Author's Note:**

> \- this took me very long to finish because of quarantine, and not because i have the same tendencies i gave sasuke nothing of the sort  
> \- i have 1 hour loops of taemin flame of love to thank for giving me the gumption to finish  
> \- also @libragirls for helping me sort out the lore of this au and keeping track of what i have and have not dispensed  
> \- fun fact: no, sasuke does not actually notice sakura and ino are in wlw together because it's my firm belief that he wouldn't and won't unless told. he perceives everything but also nothing  
> \- another fun fact: draft 1 was about itachi! what a concept!  
> \- i wish all readers a very mentally healing new year


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